Hearing your own voice played back can be brutal. 

 

Whether it’s a recording from a lesson, a voice memo you sent to a friend or a video of your choir solo. You hear it and think yikes, was that really me?

If you’ve ever cringed, winced, or wanted to quit after hearing yourself sing, well my friend, welcome to one of the most universal experiences in this whole singing journey. I promise you, almost every singer I’ve ever worked with has been here (including me!).

Why it happens 

The voice you hear in your head while you’re singing isn’t the same voice everyone else hears. When you sing, you’re picking up your own sound two ways at once: through the air (the normal way, same as everyone else), and through the bones and tissues of your own skull, which carries sound directly to your inner ear.

That second pathway tends to boost the lower, richer frequencies, which is why your voice sounds fuller and deeper to you in the moment.

When you hear a recording, played back through speakers or headphones, you’re only getting the air version. The richness is gone and what’s left can sound thinner, higher, or just different – not because your voice changed, but because you’re hearing it the way everyone else has been hearing it all along.

It’s unfamiliar and can feel really jarring.

 

It’s not really about the sound of your voice though…

and more about the story you tell yourself about your voice. Which is often based on stories you’ve been told about your voice.

Over the years, clients have shared comments they’ve heard from a teacher, a parent or a friend ranging from “you’re too loud” to “you sound really nasal” to “your voice isn’t nice.” Oof.

Between these comments and what you think you hear when you sing, it all adds up to a larger story that you now believe as “truth” about your voice. And it can stop you from wanting to explore your sound, work on your singing skills and enjoy the beauty that is singing and making music, either solo or with others.

 

So what do you actually do about it?

Here’s where I want to challenge you. Your goal isn’t to suddenly love every sound you make – that’s not realistic.

Your goal is to slowly build a different relationship with your voice. And one where the inner critic doesn’t get to control your singing journey.

A few ways to start on this new path: 

1) Find one thing you liked. Next time you practice or record yourself, resist the urge to list out everything you hear as “wrong.” Instead, find one moment – a note that felt good, a phrase you liked the shape of, an emotion that came through – and hold onto it. 

Write it down if you have to. Let it be the takeaway, not the cringy feelings.

2) Separate “different” from “bad.” Your voice probably doesn’t sound the way you expect it to. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It just means it’s yours and you’re not used to hearing it yet.

Your mantra: Different is good! 

 

3) Keep going anyway. This is the hardest part! It’s going to feel uncomfortable, but with consistent exposure to your voice, the more normal and maybe even – dare I say – likeable it’s going to feel. But you have to push through the discomfort of hearing your voice and do your best to quiet that old inner monologue.

 

You’re allowed to be a beginner at hearing yourself. 

We need to remember that listening to your own voice without judgment is its own skill. It takes practice, just like breath support or hitting a high note or singing a complicated run.

So if you’re in that uncomfortable in-between space where you’re starting to hear new things in your voice but the old inner critic keeps creeping up and ruining the party, that’s not a sign something’s wrong or that you should stop.

I call this stage The Wall, and almost every singer hits it at some point. But with time and exposure you can break through it. One positive takeaway and uncomfy moment at a time.

Want some support getting through it?

I built my course Sing Out Loud specifically for this. It’s a 5-day journey (just 15 minutes a day) that tackles the inner critic head-on, while also building real technique underneath it. So you come out the other side not just more confident, but actually a stronger singer too.

Join Sing Out Loud >>here<<

Out with the inner critic. In with acceptance, motivation, and a whole lot more joy in your practice!